Today I am keenly aware of my lack of control over...well, everything. It's a bit disheartening to say the least. I'm usually the person who can juggle 10 things at a time, and doesn't need a dayminder (though I do LOVE to write in mine...list after list after..). I just usually have things handled. And even when I get harried, I can make myself look amazingly unruffled.
This bum hip thing has scratched that..I'm having trouble focusing, find myself wandering off, feeling useless and just generally needing reminders for even tiny things. I'm not sure how much of this is having 3 kids and 2 careers or how much of it is having that AND adding my health crisis to it. OR, maybe all that I could handle but add in my little 2 yr. old going in to have her adenoids and tonsils out tomorrow, my 6yr old spraining her foot last week, my 9mos old having a horrendous cold and I want to shout up to the sky, "pick on someone else please!!"
Right now-I can't carry my 9mos. old around, it's hard to help my 2yr. old go potty, I can't run my 6 year old to the pool for a dip. My 6 year old just learned to ride her bike w/out training wheels and I have to stand at the window to watch her b/c I can't go out and help. Also, I can't be left alone with the kids if they're napping unless I want to venture upstairs and stay there with them until someone who can carry the baby comes home..otherwise, I better find something to do up there for a while. I'm used to running up and down the stairs at least 15 times a day, so this lack of mobility is a major-Bummer!
On top of that, when I do move, my hip shudders, squeaks and basically scares me so badly I nearly scream each time, which my husband does not appreciate.
We will all be so happy when this surgery and recovery are over.
On the bright side, my husband is a teacher and he's now home for the summer, so the person I'm most likely waiting for to help me is him-and I really love having him around. We just celebrated 9 years of marriage yesterday, and I am so blessed.
Funny, I just read this post and it appears to be one long, rambling complaint with the words-"I am so blessed" at the end...STOP THIS TRAIN, I WANT TO GET OFF!!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
What's in your RIGHT HAND today?
Today my RIGHT HAND is holding a deep gratitude for my health insurance. Romantic huh?
Seriously, I just had a visit with one of my orthopaedic surgeons. Dr. S was my first one and unlike the most recent Doc, he really cares about me. We've been through a lot together, since I was 21 actually. He performed 3 surgeries on me including my total hip replacement at 23 and I will always have a deep gratitude and love for him because he protected and cared for me at a very very scary and painful time in my life. Then, when I was ready to do it, he gave me a titanium hip and took my pain away. I felt like he saved my life, or at least gave it back to me.
I had a great visit with him today and as I was driving away I thought about how you have to place so much trust in each other's hands as patient and surgeon. Yes, the doctor has to trust you too I think. There is this delicate and unspoken agreement between us that he will do his best to care for me and I will remember that he's human.
I hated him the first time I met him,. He marched into the exam room and declared I needed to be cut up and I was horrified and sobbing. But, eventually I got over that. And, in retrospect I realized that it must have been almost scary to have to go in and tell a 22 year old girl that she needed a new hip. He's only human after all.
So I am grateful for an incredible insurance plan that lets me go see the now-fired Doc, the new surgeon in Boston (who was terrific and will be doing my 2nd revision this summer) and my doctor, Dr. S. I could go see a bunch more if I wanted. I could make a hobby of it, if only my hip would stop squeaking and shuddering and making it so hard to get around.
Anyway, I realize that there are so many people who would be looking at financial ruin if this happened to them. Not me, I'll pay a couple of $15 co-pays and get a new hip. I am blessed.
Seriously, I just had a visit with one of my orthopaedic surgeons. Dr. S was my first one and unlike the most recent Doc, he really cares about me. We've been through a lot together, since I was 21 actually. He performed 3 surgeries on me including my total hip replacement at 23 and I will always have a deep gratitude and love for him because he protected and cared for me at a very very scary and painful time in my life. Then, when I was ready to do it, he gave me a titanium hip and took my pain away. I felt like he saved my life, or at least gave it back to me.
I had a great visit with him today and as I was driving away I thought about how you have to place so much trust in each other's hands as patient and surgeon. Yes, the doctor has to trust you too I think. There is this delicate and unspoken agreement between us that he will do his best to care for me and I will remember that he's human.
I hated him the first time I met him,. He marched into the exam room and declared I needed to be cut up and I was horrified and sobbing. But, eventually I got over that. And, in retrospect I realized that it must have been almost scary to have to go in and tell a 22 year old girl that she needed a new hip. He's only human after all.
So I am grateful for an incredible insurance plan that lets me go see the now-fired Doc, the new surgeon in Boston (who was terrific and will be doing my 2nd revision this summer) and my doctor, Dr. S. I could go see a bunch more if I wanted. I could make a hobby of it, if only my hip would stop squeaking and shuddering and making it so hard to get around.
Anyway, I realize that there are so many people who would be looking at financial ruin if this happened to them. Not me, I'll pay a couple of $15 co-pays and get a new hip. I am blessed.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
But...your Dad is 72!
So, here's a brief view into my left hand. I'm putting it here so I can let it go.
It's obvious now that something is 'wrong' with me because I can't go anywhere without Sparkle Ruby. So, people feel it's appropriate to ask me .."ooo, what happened to you?" I realize they ask in this way b/c they don't expect a sad answer like-I have a disease and a fake hip and it's rattling around in my pelvis so I have to have major surgery- they probably think I'll say I hurt my foot, or broke my toe or fell on my tail bone. But, the minute I tell them the truth most people- and do mean most- instead of saying "that sucks, I'm so sorry" feel compelled to tell me about their father or grandfather or great-aunt (basically people who's average age is usually in the low to mid-70s) who had a hip replacement. As if this is not enough, many people then either rattle off any and all information they may have gathered about this procedure, the expected life-time of the parts, the pain associated with recovery OR better still, the ways in which their loved one screwed up the hip by getting out of bed too soon, or taking a spill and popping it out of joint (I had someone tell me in great detail how "it popped out and popped out and was never the same since).
Annoying right? And, I really do try to be gracious and recognize they are trying to relate to something they can't possibly understand, and also they probably do feel badly, and I know it doesn't compute, an otherwise healthy woman struck down and appearing crippled in front of them. But honestly, it's okay to shut your mouth and just say, "gosh I'm sorry, that must be hard".
It's obvious now that something is 'wrong' with me because I can't go anywhere without Sparkle Ruby. So, people feel it's appropriate to ask me .."ooo, what happened to you?" I realize they ask in this way b/c they don't expect a sad answer like-I have a disease and a fake hip and it's rattling around in my pelvis so I have to have major surgery- they probably think I'll say I hurt my foot, or broke my toe or fell on my tail bone. But, the minute I tell them the truth most people- and do mean most- instead of saying "that sucks, I'm so sorry" feel compelled to tell me about their father or grandfather or great-aunt (basically people who's average age is usually in the low to mid-70s) who had a hip replacement. As if this is not enough, many people then either rattle off any and all information they may have gathered about this procedure, the expected life-time of the parts, the pain associated with recovery OR better still, the ways in which their loved one screwed up the hip by getting out of bed too soon, or taking a spill and popping it out of joint (I had someone tell me in great detail how "it popped out and popped out and was never the same since).
Annoying right? And, I really do try to be gracious and recognize they are trying to relate to something they can't possibly understand, and also they probably do feel badly, and I know it doesn't compute, an otherwise healthy woman struck down and appearing crippled in front of them. But honestly, it's okay to shut your mouth and just say, "gosh I'm sorry, that must be hard".
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sometimes choosing my right hand is easy...
I went to dinner tonight with my husband and 3 kids. It was chaos..but, I'm used to it.
It was for my birthday so we went out for ice cream afterwards.
Sitting on a bench on Broadway, eating ice cream and having my adorable family sing happy birthday to me-wow. I am so blessed, sometimes choosing my right hand is effortless!
It was for my birthday so we went out for ice cream afterwards.
Sitting on a bench on Broadway, eating ice cream and having my adorable family sing happy birthday to me-wow. I am so blessed, sometimes choosing my right hand is effortless!
Danger: Benadryl
Here's a funny story:
I am on a quest to care for myself-in part a response to my husbands demands that I do. And, I decided that it would be a good idea to deal with my pain by going for Acupuncture. I had a great visit; silence, needles, a heated table, an infrared lamp on my hip, slumber etc...
As I was pulling out of the parking lot I started to itch. First it was my head, then my back, then it moved to my abdomen..pretty soon nearly all of me was one big itch. I couldn't figure out what was going on, but I was pretty sure I'd gotten some bed bugs from the table. When I got home I discovered I had, for the first time in my life, a nasty case of hives! They were everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. I actually survived the first night not taking anything for them. I thought I was rid of them but the next evening they reappeared as I sat in a restaurant with my family. I could feel a hive blow up under my eye-'this is it' I thought, 'not only is my hip shot, I'm going to lose my good looks too!' On the way home we picked up Benedryl and then things got really interesting! I was itching like mad-so I took 2 of those babies to quiet things down and fast. In no more than 9 minutes I was drooling like my baby and not entirely sure I'd be able to must the strength to get upstairs to bed. I did though. But boy was I loaded.
Fast forward 2 hours to me waking with a start when I hear a noise downstairs. Now, I am so hopped up on this stuff I forget that my family is home. I jump right to the scenario that has me home alone, with only Sparkle-Ruby to protect me and an intruder downstairs. I am positive that is what's happening. I think, "maybe he doesn't think anyone is home" I go into the bathroom and flush the toilet. Nothing, and then another sound.
So I do what any normally sane, bum hipped, hopped up on benadryl woman might do; I hide in the closet behind my husbands clothes..cane in hand, ready to attack when the moment comes. My heart is beating, I'm still drooling a little and I am primed to defend my honor.
"Hmm," I think. "Why would I be home alone? When am I ever home alone, or alone for that matter?" Then it hits me, the dangerous criminal downstairs making noise and making his way upstairs to attack me is none other than the man I married. Duh.
I had hives again the next night, but I only took 1 benadryl...and I slept with the lights on!
I am on a quest to care for myself-in part a response to my husbands demands that I do. And, I decided that it would be a good idea to deal with my pain by going for Acupuncture. I had a great visit; silence, needles, a heated table, an infrared lamp on my hip, slumber etc...
As I was pulling out of the parking lot I started to itch. First it was my head, then my back, then it moved to my abdomen..pretty soon nearly all of me was one big itch. I couldn't figure out what was going on, but I was pretty sure I'd gotten some bed bugs from the table. When I got home I discovered I had, for the first time in my life, a nasty case of hives! They were everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. I actually survived the first night not taking anything for them. I thought I was rid of them but the next evening they reappeared as I sat in a restaurant with my family. I could feel a hive blow up under my eye-'this is it' I thought, 'not only is my hip shot, I'm going to lose my good looks too!' On the way home we picked up Benedryl and then things got really interesting! I was itching like mad-so I took 2 of those babies to quiet things down and fast. In no more than 9 minutes I was drooling like my baby and not entirely sure I'd be able to must the strength to get upstairs to bed. I did though. But boy was I loaded.
Fast forward 2 hours to me waking with a start when I hear a noise downstairs. Now, I am so hopped up on this stuff I forget that my family is home. I jump right to the scenario that has me home alone, with only Sparkle-Ruby to protect me and an intruder downstairs. I am positive that is what's happening. I think, "maybe he doesn't think anyone is home" I go into the bathroom and flush the toilet. Nothing, and then another sound.
So I do what any normally sane, bum hipped, hopped up on benadryl woman might do; I hide in the closet behind my husbands clothes..cane in hand, ready to attack when the moment comes. My heart is beating, I'm still drooling a little and I am primed to defend my honor.
"Hmm," I think. "Why would I be home alone? When am I ever home alone, or alone for that matter?" Then it hits me, the dangerous criminal downstairs making noise and making his way upstairs to attack me is none other than the man I married. Duh.
I had hives again the next night, but I only took 1 benadryl...and I slept with the lights on!
Every woman needs a wife...
One of my sisters says this and I have shared that with so many friends over the last few years. Well, one thing about this mess is I have a wife for the summer and I can't imagine how I could be doing this without her. My wonderful little sister is home from her missionary post in Spain for the summer and she's moved in with us to take care of my laundry, groceries, kids etc..while I hobble around on "Sparkle-Ruby" (that's another post!). I seriously don't know what I would do without her-did I say that already?
My husband is amazing, and hard working and truly wonderful, but he's tired and could never do all of this on his own. Plus, (no offense honey) he's a man-he still needs to be told where things are, which pair of underpants belongs to which of our 2 little girls, that it's okay to let the baby cry when he's supposed to be soothing himself to sleep etc..and, well, a wife doesn't ask those questions-either she knows or she figures it out. I love my wife;)!
My husband is amazing, and hard working and truly wonderful, but he's tired and could never do all of this on his own. Plus, (no offense honey) he's a man-he still needs to be told where things are, which pair of underpants belongs to which of our 2 little girls, that it's okay to let the baby cry when he's supposed to be soothing himself to sleep etc..and, well, a wife doesn't ask those questions-either she knows or she figures it out. I love my wife;)!
First time
Today is my birthday.
Well, I'm going to try this. And I have mixed emotions about it. I think it's important to get my story out, perhaps someone out there needs to hear it. But, I also feel like blogging is slightly self-important. Everyone has a story-why should I feel like mine is important enough for the internet?
My charming husband thinks I should do it. He suggested it actually. "You should start a blog" he said-I'm wondering if this is because he still thinks I'm incredibly fasinating after 12 years together and he wants other people to enjoy my wit-or-because he wants me to get it out somewhere besides in his earshot! Either way, maybe this will work, maybe one person will read it and get what they need. I don't know- but maybe it will work. First time.
Well, I'm going to try this. And I have mixed emotions about it. I think it's important to get my story out, perhaps someone out there needs to hear it. But, I also feel like blogging is slightly self-important. Everyone has a story-why should I feel like mine is important enough for the internet?
My charming husband thinks I should do it. He suggested it actually. "You should start a blog" he said-I'm wondering if this is because he still thinks I'm incredibly fasinating after 12 years together and he wants other people to enjoy my wit-or-because he wants me to get it out somewhere besides in his earshot! Either way, maybe this will work, maybe one person will read it and get what they need. I don't know- but maybe it will work. First time.
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